One of my favorite things about community is that God allows us to be transparent with one another. If you’ve been blessed with a community that allows you to share real life, you know what a treasure you have.
It takes time to build trust in order to be transparent, amen? As we all know, showing who we really are and the real things we’re going through isn’t easy. So how do we get over this hurdle? How do we open up to people who may judge us or see us differently?
From my experience, something magical happens when one woman decides to share deep. She shares that she isn’t perfect, she doesn’t have it all together… she has struggles and sin and brokenness. Once one woman does that, the rest of the group has freedom to do the same.
It’s a hard place to get to, but it’s freeing and biblical and beautiful.
So, today I want to share some of my struggle because I don’t want you to feel alone. I don’t want you to think you’re the only woman out there who feels like you’re not holding it all together in a Pinterest-worthy way.
Well, here we go.
Last night, I had a mini-breakdown and cried in my husband’s arms for reasons that I couldn’t quite communicate.
I believe Satan’s attacks are so real, and he loves to attack me through my thoughts. I’ve been riding the struggle bus when it comes to balancing all of the wonderful things God has put before me… marriage, church planting, health, blogging, work… and I came to a point yesterday where I felt broken and guilty for struggling in the midst of God’s goodness and faithfulness to us.
Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever felt so thankful for God’s great goodness, but also broken because you can’t handle it all perfectly?
This has described me to the T lately. I’ve been battling with the enemy. I’ve been struggling with sin. I’ve let myself wallow in guilt and shame mentally, while physically trying to look like I’ve got it all together.
As I cried last night, unable to explain what was going on, Brady picked up a Bible from the coffee table and started reading me Truth. (I thank God for this man all the time!) After that, he brought us to the Lord’s feet, prayed for me, and prayed that the enemy would back off.
It was the perfect reminder that I needed. When I’m feeling broken, I HAVE to turn to Jesus. There is no other option.
We are not promised that life is going to be easy. In fact, Jesus tells us that it’s going to be hard. But in the midst of the hard, we have the Creator of the universe to turn to for peace.
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Friend, if you are on the struggle bus with me, I encourage you to turn to Jesus. Open your eyes and mind to Truth so that the lies flowing around in your head become more obvious. Talk to the Lord. Bow down at His feet and cast your burdens on Him. Cry with a friend. Let it all out, and let those who love you walk with you on this journey.
When I opened up my Bible this morning it flipped to the exact Scripture my heart needed:
Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right Spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.
The Lord cares for us deeply and hates to watch us struggle. And guess what? One day, the struggle bus won’t exist anymore. HECK YES!
Lord, we praise you for your goodness, no matter what our circumstances are. You are always good, and you are always taking care of us. Please restore to us the joy of your salvation, and uphold us with a willing spirit. Use us to bring glory to your name, even when we feel broken. In your perfect name I pray.